WWJSATS?

Watch the entire clip from the tweet below and then ask yourself, “What would Jesus say about this shit?” Anyone know how to say, “What the fuck” in Amaraic?

My high school boyfriend took me to his Central Assembly of God Church. I had attended services there in middle school during the Bruner Family Faith Tour when Mom was looking for a church to call her home. Raised Catholic, my mom left Catholocism to marry my Presbyterian father. Considering that the Priest told her she was destined for hell for leaving, it was a fairly bold move on her part.

After years of being a single spiritual parent, Mom decided to shop around. We left the Presbyterians, checked in on the Methodists and the Central Assembly of God folks who, upon hearing she was heading back Catholicism, also told her she was hell-bound.

I think church-hopping during my formative years shaped me in a great way. Since every denomination claimed to have all the answers, by the time I got to Catholicism I was questioning everything I heard. But because I could wear jeans to Mass on a Saturday night while checking out some cute boys from high school and sleep in on Sunday mornings, I was happy to spend my summer earning the sacraments I needed to join.

So, a few years later when I found myself back at Central Assembly, I was intrigued because cheating on churches was my thing. The people were nice. The youth group was fun. It was opposite the rote, ritualistic, and ruminative quality of the Catholic Mass I had become accustomed to. I didn’t mind going with him at all until I heard a woman speak in tongues. Her flailing about was unsettling. Speaking a language no linguist could actually vouch for, I found suspect. But it was her tongue translation, when she screamed, “We’ve must save the Catholics from hell,” that rubbed me the wrong way.

Seriously? Every church of my youth worshipped the same God and Jesus just in different ways, and yet scaring people about going to hell seemed to be the go-to control mechanism.

If wonder if there were kids in Paula’s congregation that she frightened while listening to this crap? You can find other clips of this same prayer service where she talks about breaking up and exposing the “demonic confederacies,” in the name of Jesus, who she believes are trying to steal the election from Trump. What the hell’s a demonic confederacy? Maybe she meant demonic conspiracy? Google Paula White + demonic confederacy if you feel like taking a stab at it.

Hearing Trump’s Spiritual Advisor spouting the nonsense above, annoyed me. After reading about her alleged bankruptcies, affairs, and how she embraces the prosperity gospel, I switched to being enraged. Realizing she asked for “seed money” to be sent to her “hospital” during an online COVID-19 prayer session almost made my head explode.

“We are a hospital to the sick, not necessarily the physically sick,” she claimed back in March. Apparently, she needed money to heal people’s souls. Considering that prayer is free, I’m not following her logic. I’m also confused as to why she’d ask angelic forces to battle demons for a political victory when she could instead ask angelic forces to battle the Corona virus? Twenty bucks says she’ll soon be asking for twenty bucks to help the Lord give Trump a recount victory.

I take no issue with prayer, vibes, meditation, contemplation, or positive thoughts. But hijacking someone’s fears to make money, makes me crazy. Watching a sitting President hijack, the spiritual hijacker so her followers will vote for him, feels about right. I could care less about how Paula White and Donald Trump use and abuse each other for their bottom lines. It’s the people in extreme poverty, sending money they don’t have while voting for a man who has no intention of helping them that I worry about.

Those are the people I thought about when I voted for Biden on Tuesday. Here’s hoping it made a difference.

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