I planned on blogging again to talk about the cool stuff I’m doing for my MS. Then President Fucking-Feasance took over my brain. So today I’m going to get it all out of my system and move on.

Fucking-Feasance? Although I’m not a lawyer, Trump has clearly carried out all three types of failures like a God damn champ. Hence the name. Per Wikipedia:

• Nonfeasance is the failure to act where action is required—willfully or in neglect.
• Misfeasance is the willful inappropriate action or intentional incorrect action or advice.
• Malfeasance is the willful and intentional action that injures a party.

Anger: My anger is always just under the surface. I’m Angry that anyone fell for this idiot in the first place. Angry that Republican officials haven’t had the balls to stand up to this asshole for the past three years. Angry that an entire news organization continues to lie for this dickhead with so many lives on the line. Angry that news organizations broadcast his obvious fabrications, live to our nation on a daily basis.

Denial: To avoid having this rage poison my day, I sometimes slip into denial. Once there I imagine what Obama, Bush or Clinton would be saying during these daily briefings. And no, not Bill. Hillary.

How would Hilary have handled this? Hmmm. How would an intelligent, ex-Secretary of State, ex-Senator, ex-First Lady, with no known psychiatric disorders be maneuvering this crisis? My guess? She would’ve done the following:

• Believed the epidemiological community that’s been warning us for at least a decade that a possible pandemic was on the table.
• Kept the National Security Council’s global health security office intact so that a senior administration official would always be focused solely on global health.
• Kept America’s public health position that was embedded inside China.
• Uttered complete fucking sentences when briefing the nation.
• Told the truth.
• Happily worked with Governors instead of expecting them to beg for what want and need.

Most importantly she would have surrounded herself with experts like Epidemiologist, Larry Brilliant who when asked if Americans have received good advice over the past 12 weeks stated, “No. All we got were lies. Saying it’s fake, by saying this is a Democratic hoax. There are still people today who believe that, to their detriment. Speaking as a public health person, this is the most irresponsible act of an elected official that I’ve ever witnessed in my lifetime. But what you’re hearing now [to self-isolate, close schools, cancel events] is right. Is it going to protect us completely? Is it going to make the world safe forever? No. It’s a great thing because we want to spread out the disease over time.”

Click here to read more truthful but difficult to hear information regarding what has to happen for us to come out the other side of this pandemic. Spoiler alert. It won’t be by Easter Sunday when our pent up economy is waiting to explode like Asshat postulated the other day.

Unfortunately Fox News still would have been Disinformation Central had Hillary been elected. I’m unsure if they would’ve sounded the alarm while shitting all over Hilary’s choices or worse, denied this was actually happening even longer than they did with Trump at the helm?

Sadness: I know my heart is going to be broken. Either myself or someone I love is going to lose something that means everything to them. I keep hoping it’s merely a job and not an entire ability to support one’s self. An opportunity instead of that person’s dreams altogether. A swath of time from being sick and out of commission, not an entire life.

But it’s coming and I’m frightened for everyone I know.

Confusion: I thought everyone knew that narcissists, like tigers, simply can’t change their stripes? There is no cure for narcissism! Trump will always be exactly who he is. Although I’m sad the Republican party never demanded he rise to the occasion of being President, I knew he couldn’t do it even if he wanted to.

I just thought eventually once he fucked up enough, his supporters would call him out on his bullshit. Not giving a shit about me and Democrats in general is okay. Not giving a shit about your own best interests and those of your loved ones makes no sense to me.

I Need a Mea Culpa: I’m one of those people that needs you to know, that I know. That’s it. Once you know, that I know, that you know you made a mistake, I can let go of any anger or dissapointment I’m feeling and move on.

But if you continue to lie to me or pretend nothing happened, I want to lose my mind. Which is probably why I loved Mark Maron’s 2017 Netflix special, Too Real. In it he said the following about Trump:

“…if he does anything good, I’ll admit it.

That said, if it’s much worse than we ever anticipated, which is really fucking bad, people that voted for him are gonna have to apologize. That’s all.

They’ve just gotta apologize. I’m just gonna need a little eye contact.

Look, even if we only have eight minutes before the missiles hit, I’m gonna need a little eye contact, and a few words. Even if it’s like, “Oh, man! I didn’t think he’d do this! This is crazy, bro! Sorry! “

That’s where I am today.

You can’t post a picture of Jesus wearing a MAGA hat, draped in a Rosary along with your xenophobic Chinese Virus Prayer stating how “We’re all in this together,” and think I’m going to be okay with that. I won’t because, that’s fucked up!

And although I don’t need you to self flaggelate or change political parties, like Maron stated in 2017…

You just gotta fucking apologize! I’m gonna need a little eye contact.

Even if I only have eight minutes until they take my chronically conditioned, multiple sclerosis ass off the ventilator to give it to a small child who deserves a future, I’m gonna need a little eye contact. And a few words. Even if it’s like, “Oh, damn! I didn’t think he’d do this! This is crazy, lady! Sorry!”

Then I can move on. Hopefully just emotionally and spiritually but if I must, it will probably help me physically as well.

So. If you need to pick up that deuce you dropped back in 2016, get a move on. You might not have all the time you think you do.

Featured image: Department of Public Information in the city of Springfield, Missouri