I recorded this for my podcast (Episode 3: Democrats are the Worst at Marketing and Messaging) a few weeks ago. It turns out I’m a psychic! For those who would rather read my snarky remarks, here they are for your perusing pleasure.

Are you better off than you were four years ago?

Hmmm….

I’m not in lockdown. I have access to a vaccine. And I’m not terrified of dying from COVID while listening to an idiotic President offer up bleach shots as a medical treatment.

Why yes, I am better off. 

And yet they say the election this fall will be close. That means either the pollster randomly called quite a few Cult Members, or those polled have completely forgotten that COVID happened, or Democrats are the worst at marketing and messaging. 

Why is this so hard? I’m not a marketing person and I know exactly what they should say in their political ads.

Attention Women of America –  Republicans are just not that into you: Have the GOP break up with the Statue of Liberty on a Post It. They can tell her (and everyone with a vagina), “I’m Sorry. I Can’t. Don’t Hate me.” That’s just two Sex and The City references they could use.

Or go in a Jeff Foxworthy direction: Would you rather save a clump of cells than a septic mom of 3 who’s carrying those cells? Then you might just be in the Republican. Would you rather cash an NRA check than keep guns from pulverizing schoolchildren beyond recognition? Then you might just be in the Republican.

Play the Sopranos theme song while noting that if Trump gets back in office, we’ll start shaking down our NATO allies, demanding that they pay us for protection. DeNiro hates Trump. Hire him to do the voiceover as Don Corleone. Bam! I just referenced two of America’s most beloved fictional mafia families in an attempt to reach all the Jabronis out there who still think Trump has their backs.  

Play George Michael’s Freedom 90 while supermodels do infrastructure jobs. List out all the ways Biden & Harris won’t let us down, they will not give us up, and they would really love to stick around. 

How about 30 seconds comparing Mike Johnson to Eddie Haskell (sorry kids – you’ll have to Google that) but old farts like me understand the reference.  Mike Johnson isn’t nice – he’s polite. There’s a difference.  A nice politician would pass legislation allowing doctors to make healthcare decisions based on the symptoms you’re experiencing.  A polite politician prays for you while you bleed out in the parking lot and leave your other kids without a mom.  A man like that isn’t a good Christian. He’s a good Christian Nationalist. There’s a difference. 

Come on, Democrats! Do better! And why are you still campaigning the same way?

Can We Stop Having Debates?

Douglas Yates, Ph.D. A Professor of the American Graduate School in Paris noted the following: “American presidential debates are not really ‘debates,’ in the formal sense of two adversaries dialectically addressing a single point at issue. Rather they are television spectacles, where two men [people] deliver short, improvised speeches, moderated by television journalist-hosts, and sometimes even inviting the audience to ask questions (like an afternoon talk show). In these non-debates, there are exchanges of invective, ad hominem insults, unwarranted claims, unverified facts, slogan-mongering, immaterial subject matter, anecdotal evidence, hypothetical examples, and many other logical fallacies that would be corrected in a properly regulated debate. Rarely are the two adversaries forced to follow a single line of reason to its logical conclusion. This kind of mud-slinging is hardly the right format for valid, conclusive arguments.”  END Quote

Exactly!!  We already know what candidates think. They communicate with us in real-time through social media, and we can read their positions online from their websites. We tune in for a spectacle, not for new information. 

In today’s political climate, Trump could shout the N-Word or call a woman a cunt, and it wouldn’t sink his campaign. His supporters, as well as certain media outlets, would justify his outburst.  If you are allowed to lie, can do no wrong,  and not provide the public with new information – what’s the point? 

Stop wasting our time.

If you want to show us how the candidates think on their feet and react under pressure, remove them from an audience and their ability to grandstand. Have one commentator ask questions and FORCE them to follow a single line of reason to its logical conclusion.  

Just 3 people at the table. Make it more like a game show than a stage performance.  No word salads allowed. If you don’t actually answer the question, you don’t get a point. If you can’t follow reason – you lose points.  If you lie. You lose 2 points. 

Do something different. 

Campaign Rallys!  Who cares? 

The last time I went to a rally was in the fall of 1985 at Trinity High School – It was a pep rally. I’m good. Why would I mess around with large crowds and traffic to listen to someone I’ve already decided to vote for.  

And if I were undecided, how would a stadium speech help me?

These campaign hallmarks made sense before the internet and the 24-hour news cycle. But now they seem like a waste of time and resources. It always felt disrespectful for candidates to only visit states that are deemed battleground-worthy.  But since they will happen this election cycle, I wish they would change how a rally is produced. 

Let’s start with the obvious. I don’t care who sits behind the candidate on stage. I know I’m watching a curated event, not a first-come, first-served cross-section of all the attendees. Call me crazy, but I’m pretty sure there aren’t 10,000 people of color sitting behind the cameras out of view at a Trump rally. 

Instead of people – Biden should be standing in front of a giant screen that pairs his remarks with visual aids backing up what he’s trying to communicate to the voters. Don’t tell me how many infrastructure jobs were added this year – show me.  We don’t take in information like we used to, so why haven’t political campaigns caught up? 

A lot of what we hear in our day-to-day life is often paired with something to look at: Captions, Photos, Video, Infographics, a random hand that’s drawing cartoons to match what we’re being educated about. And yet, we’re only given verbal information when the person running for office is being interviewed, debating, or giving speeches. That feels so antiquated. It’s like showing up with your Walkman and a Cassette tape to a Virtual Reality Headset fight. 

We’re not just auditory learners anymore. Gone are the days when we sit huddled around a radio, listening to world leaders. We receive a large percentage of our information visually. 

Todd Cherches is a pioneer in the field of visual leadership. In his Ted Talk, The Power of Visual Thinking, he notes that communicating in this way: Grabs people’s attention (They won’t be distracted by their phones if they’re too busy looking at the screen you provided); Improves Comprehension (visual analogies and metaphors increase understanding. People don’t have to guess what you mean or imagine it for themselves if you show them what you’re trying to say).  This visual approach ultimately helps us remember, which increases our retention of information. 

I’m Gen X. I watched MTV when it was a television station that provided music videos, not just reality shows.  It changed everything.  Rather than deciphering lyrics yourself, you were given a story. A song that was once yours to interpret freely suddenly came with operating instructions.

It’s interesting, actually. Video killed the radio star, only to have reality kill the video star. Yet when it comes to politics, conservative media killed many political stars, only to have a Reality TV star kill off traditional conservative media.  (It’s kind of karmic if you think about it.) 

Yet politics has never really mastered how to manipulate its message visually. 

Sure, there are tweets to read and commercials to watch, but candidates could offer so much more. Imagine if, during a debate, instead of just referring to their notes, they brought up a PowerPoint slide that showed a pie chart or a bar graph when they talk about job numbers, unemployment rates, GDP changes due to tax cuts, money spent, or saved.  These election cycle traditions could actually inform us.

Candidates could easily be called out for lying. You can’t say a person “misspoke” if they purposefully show a pre-made chart with fake findings. Then, brave reporters with integrity could not only call them out but shut off the camera and end the interview if the lying continued. 

The world has changed. We communicate more often with emails, Instant messages, and texting instead of talking in person or on the phone. 50% of Americans use closed captioning when watching English-speaking TV shows even though only 13% of Americans are deaf or hard of hearing. We use subtitles to enhance what we’re listening to. I’m one of those people. And if you’re like me, you rely on your visual memory more than your auditory memory to function and probably need as much visual information as possible to get through the day.  Politicians should adapt to this. 

But there’s another reason the Biden-Harris Camp should change how it campaigns. This is a big one—an uncomfortable truth that needs to be spoken.

Joe Biden is 81. Before you call me ageist or tell me how wise he is, lets talk facts. 

My parents were in their mid-late twenties the first time Joe Biden ran for elected office. My daughters are in THEIR mid-late twenties this, his final time running for office.  No candidate should be front and center that long. Three generations shouldn’t be voting for the same person – and if they are – they shouldn’t be receiving their political messaging in the same way.  

But there’s an even bigger reason why a Biden campaign speech should be a multi-media presentation narrated by Vice President Harris – because she’s the gal with the golden vocal cords.

As a speech therapist, I can’t help but notice that although Trump may only be three years younger than Biden, he sounds 10 years younger. When Biden gives a nuanced, intelligent answer in a thin, breathy old man’s voice, it detracts from his message (as evidenced during the debate the week). In contrast, Trump’s word salad ramblings are done with a booming voice. He’s harder to ignore, and his older supporters can hear every insane word he utters. 

You can’t outreason a Trump Supporter. You can’t verbally jujitsu a MAGA moron with facts. But you can absolutely lose an intelligent Biden Supporter IF THEY CAN’T HEAR OR UNDERSTAND HIM.  Don’t give people a reason to vote 3^rd party or sit this out. 

The man has spent a lifetime communicating in a specific way to overcome his fluency disorder. It’s impressive. It takes work not to stutter. Sometimes, the work he does to avoid stuttering gets designated by the media as proof of a cognitive decline. He’s simply pausing or closing his eyes to get the words out smoothly. 

Most people only have to think about what they’re saying, not how they say it. Asking any 81-year-old to suddenly speak differently to modify his loudness levels is a big ask. But asking a lifelong stutterer to modify his loudness levels on top of maintaining his fluency is a gigantic ask.  

Don’t shoot the messenger. This is the reality of being blessed with living a long life. You will lose some functionality. You’ll either need readers or ridiculously large fonts. You might need a hearing aid. Or a walking stick because of reduced mobility.

It’s not my fault the American Political system doesn’t provide mandatory off-ramps for lifetime politicians who live in a country as youth-obsessed as ours. Hell, a quarter of a million people will get facelifts this year. Teenagers are now getting Botox and use social media filters to look younger and better. You can’t have it both ways.  

If your candidate can’t vocally throw down like he used to, you better have a long list of surrogates lined up to speak for him, narrate his videos, and run down his accomplishments. Give others the microphone as often as possible. And for God’s sake, make sure there’s a railing Biden can grab EVERY time he takes EVERY stage.  And stop letting him answer questions while walking through crowds of reporters.

Too much is at stake for the Biden-Harris camp to not revamp how the oldest candidate in history interacts with the masses. 

Get your shit together, Democrats. Stop messing around.