Day 35: Failing to Actually Have 366 (It’s a Leap Year) Failures

After putting my failures (and a couple of my success) out for the world to see this past month, I don’t think daily blogging is necessary or even achievable. I gave myself a year to focus only on my MS journey. A year to be “all in” and willing to risk failing fabulously, to see what I could achieve. Basically I’m trying to figure out what works, what doesn’t, what needs to be tweaked and what needs to be thrown out all together.

This blog was started for a couple reasons: To keep me on track and to put my diagnosis out there for when I run into people either in Frederick, MD or back home in Washington, PA. I thought it would allow me to skip over the 20 minute MS conversation and instead be able to spend that time catching up with friends and discussing more important things.

If someone with MS stumbles on this blog and benefits from my experiences, that’s awesome. But I’m not writing it specifically for the MS community. There are so many wonderfully researched, well written MS blogs out there (Here are 25 to check out if you’re interested). I certainly can’t re-invent that wheel so I’m not going to try.

A final reason for this blog was to come out of the disability closet. It’s exhausting to hide a limp or pretend to be well. It’s also exhausting to be chronically ill. It’s exhausting to do all the mental, physical, nutritional, medical, emotional and spiritual work to self-cure a chronic condition. It takes a hell of a lot of energy to walk poorly. Walking without a limp is certainly more efficient.

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I’m convinced that the only way to gain back my energy and fix my gait is through movement and awareness, not by sitting in front of a computer writing about movement and awareness. So I’m going to spend more time doing and less time worrying about getting a post pre-scheduled for each day.

Since my diagnosis I’ve learned that an all or nothing attitude is futile. Be it writing, walking, or healing, some days will be better than others so it’s best to do the work daily and document that work as needed, when able or when inspired to.  And besides, now I can take my time and honor my creative side writing posts the way I see fit, not just to quickly hit publish on a daily basis.

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