If you ever see me living under a bridge its because I was forced to make a living by marketing myself. Honestly I’d rather shovel shit on a 100 degree day than tell someone why they should buy something I made or use a service I provide.

I’m like the Anti-Donald Trump. A person with no ability to promote thyself. Truth be told, I can’t sell anything at all.

It all started when I worked my first job as a sales associate at Brooks Fashions. I hated telling shoppers that we were offering two tank tops for $9.99 when they were browsing the rounders. I didn’t want to bother anyone. Perhaps they were just looking? Maybe they needed a moment to get their bearings before being bothered by a salesgirl? I disliked selling so badly that I begged and finally got the job in the back room putting clothes on hangers and tagging all the inventory. I was in heaven.

Even as a speech therapist with a Master’s Degree I couldn’t bring myself to hand my card to the parent of a child with a lisp or someone with an unintelligible, accent. I didn’t want to be rude and make anyone feel bad. If your kid can’t say their own name, that’s your call if you want to hire a professional to help.

I should’ve realized this lack of skill when I self-published a book back in 2009. Even though I spent years writing the copy and convinced two friends to work with me, I only spent about a year off and on trying to sell the damn thing.  And this was something I was tremendously proud of, mind you. A labor of love that I enjoyed creating from initial idea to finished product.

Confessions of a Self-Help Junkie, a humorous self-help book is part memoir and part workbook. It is a funny look at what happens when you become obsessed with looking for answers from the experts rather than trusting your own judgment which was pretty much my M.O. back in the 90’s (thanks a lot, Oprah!).

Kristin Smedley provided the fabulous artwork. Tomara Arrington took care of the layout and pulled everything together. We even had swag for sale on Cafe Press. It was a fun and creative project that even got us some press: We were featured in Canada’s Maclean’s Magazine; The Frederick News Post; and an interview with the now defunct Carrie and Danielle, Inc., a Canadian branding and marketing firm.

Damn we were big in Canada!

Come to think of it, back when I was engaged I didn’t feel comfortable registering for my own wedding shower. I didn’t want to tell people how much money to spend! What the hell is wrong with me? Clearly this is an issue that I need to explore. But in the meantime…

I wrote a book, damn it! You can buy it by clicking here. It’s funny, beautifully illustrated and worth every penny of the $15.95 plus tax, shipping, and handling asking price. You’ll laugh. You’ll cry. It will change your life! It’s a tremendous book. The best humorous, self-help book ever written.

(Wow that felt obnoxious! How the hell does Trump do this and not feel like an ass?)